Coesia – They’re No Cima

When it comes to an insistence on Mèd Een Eetaly Inglisc, Italy’s Coesia Group is a particularly egregious offender.

That’s especially alarming when you consider that Coesia is not only one of Italy’s largest software-licensing and
-development companies but is also Microsoft’s official partner in the sale of a large suite of business-specific “solutions” in Italy and throughout Europe.

The “throughout Europe” part explains why Coesia wants English on its own sites and on those of its daughter companies. But it apparently doesn’t really want to pay for skillful native translation.

Here’s a fine example of gobbledygook from Coesia’s subsidiary, CIMA (click on the image to enlarge)

coesia-cimaIt contains in him all those characteristics what nausea and vomiting.

Stop, Italians! Stop Translating!

napes and napkins

Do the Dew in Portavescovo: Part II (WordReference is Shite)

Following up on yesterday’s post regarding “mountain dew” … and this is why we don’t let dictionaries be written by any mooncalf with access to the internet … and this is why we don’t use online dictionaries for professional translation … and this is why some of us are tearing our hair out about the abysmal level of skill among non-native translators….

WordReference - rifugio

Do the Dew in Portavescovo

rifugio

 

Update: The WordReference page that’s apparently the source of the widespread diffusion of this error.

Other People’s Inglisc

We know. Tweaking people for the way they talk is just evil.

Our penance will be to write 100 times on the board: “Eet eez rroong to make-a fun ovv udder pipl accent.”

________________

________________

Garofalo Pasta: Whatever They’re Selling, It’s All Maccherone

Following the unbelievably stupid gaffe and resulting public-relations disaster (here and here) created last September by Guido Barilla, CEO of the Barilla Pasta company, tens of thousands of people went looking for another brand of decent pasta (and no, in case you were wondering, not one American manufacturer can lay claim to that description).

garafolo6Some of them no doubt landed on the site of the “Pastificio Lucio Garofalo,” which sells its products via internet as well as through Amazon.com.

Our hope is that those who did took one look at the ridiculous English-language translation of Garofalo’s site and adopted the Inferno Solution (that is, “Let us not speak of them: look, and pass on”).

Before we passed on to the next manufacturer, however, we couldn’t help but take a few samples of Garofalo’s Mèd Een Eetaly Inglisc.

Read a few paragraphs of this and you’ll be convinced, as we are, that Garofalo’s only product is maccherone.

Let’s start with Massimo Menna’s heartfelt, um, declaration of his passione for Garofalo’s “Gente del Fud” project. (I’m sure that’s a misspelling. They probably meant Fudd. As in Elmer Fudd.)

garafolo3

We’re also quite fond of this, which we think explains why Naples has suffered so badly from earthquakes over the course of the centuries. Someone really should tell them to stop thatching their roofs with pasta!

garafolo5

But this isn’t bad either, as Garofalo explains how they look for “balance and taste … in front of a pasta dish.” Evidently, Garofalo translates like it eats:

garafolo2

Garofalo Pasta. Quality in absolutely everything. Of course, we still use cut-rate, inexpert, non-native translators. Because that’s just how our artisanal intelligence rolls, bitches.

Agenzie letterarie inesistenti e traduzioni in francese comm se nient’al fuss

Ripubblicato dal blog “Stranoforte.”
http://stranoforte.weebly.com/1/post/2013/10/agenzie-letterarie-inesistenti-che-traducono-in-francese-comm-se-niental-fuss.html

10/10/2013

Oggi voglio parlarvi di una nuova, fantastica, realtà: la INNEDE Edition, che si presenta come “agenzia letteraria multimediale”.

Per prima cosa c’è da dire che non esiste alcuna attività commerciale denominata INNEDE Edition, ma non sottilizziamo, visto che c’è un bellissimo sito in più lingue. Se casualmente vi capita di cliccare sull’icona che permette di accedere alla versione francese, preparatevi: vi si potrebbero prima drizzare i capelli e poi cadere le braccia. Ci sono errori talmente gravi che se li vedesse la mia professoressa del liceo piangerebbe per settimane e Carla Bruni sporgerebbe querela. Poi però ho capito il perché, infatti si precisa: “I traduttori che collaborano con noi sono tutti professionisti perfettamente bilingui che traducono esclusivamente verso la loro lingua madre. Le traduzioni vengono effettuate manualmente con l’ausilio di software di traduzione assistita e in nessun caso da software di traduzione automatica.” Capito? Traducono manualmente con i traduttori elettronici (a pagamento, ovvio), ora potete capire il perché di quel francese che nemmeno Totò e Peppino a Milano. Immaginatevi il figurone che potreste fare affidandovi a loro.

Comunque, volendo, si può partecipare al “corso gratuito per traduzioni” al modico prezzo di 45 euri (è uno di quei corsi che se paghi puoi partecipare gratis).

Invece se proprio volete imparare a usare un software automatico, cliccate qui: “Innede Edition ha disposto un corso online per traduttori e autori che vogliono tradurre con software automatici oppure di EDITING” (si pagano solo le spese di segreteria – segreteria che esiste, nonostante l’agenzia letteraria sia inesistente -, in questo caso si pagano solo 15 euro). Sublime. Immaginatevi un editing fatto con cotali metodologie.

Va be’, vediamo il catalogo.

Ohibò, ma c’è da stropicciarsi gli occhi! Ci sono solo opere di un unico scrittore! Tutte opere rigorosamente senza ISBN, ma sorvoliamo (sorvoliamo anche sull’introduzione in francese maccheronico di una di esse, forse siamo in presenza di neolingue create da sistemi automatici).

Troviamo anche un servizio di creazione di siti web. In effetti, vedendo il loro sito, si capisce al volo la cura che impiegheranno nel creare quello dei loro clienti. Che dire delle immagini che appaiono sulle varie pagine? A che servono? Boh, però ci stan bene (stemmi di varie università e cose varie assortite). E come commentare il fatto che ogni pagina è priva di un qualsiasi tasto per tornare alla home, oppure che cliccando su “staff” si plana dritti dritti nella pagina dei libri?

Fidatevi, questi vi faranno un sito da urlo.

Anche se la INNEDE non esiste come attività, il sior responsabile ha disseminato il web di annunci di lavoro, eccone qualcuno, ma se guggolate un po’ ne trovate a migliaia:

Cercasi aspiranti o emergenti autori, laureandi, scrittori di narrativa, saggistica, poesia o romanzi (su kit lavoro);

Cercasi aspiranti o emergenti autori, laureandi, scrittori di narrativa, saggistica, poesia o romanzi, a tempo determinato e con giornata lavorativa completa (su infojobs);

Cercasi aspiranti autori, laureandi, scrittori di narrativi, saggistica o romanzi. Inviare dettagliato curriculum con retribuzione;

insomma tantissime fantastiche opportunità, come non aderire?

Ma chi gestisce tutto questo apparato? Presumo il signor autore dei libri –  che è anche un gastronomo – messi in vendita su questo sito. Un eclettico, non c’è che dire.

Poi c’è anche chi è laureato al NORDIC INSTITUT BANGKOK. Ora, andando su google scopriamo che tale istituto non esiste, al più esiste un “nordic institute”, ma va ben, magari a Bangkok ci sono fior di scuole che noi ce le sogniamo.

Ah, dimenticavo. Questo sito offre anche “un corso di editing” (che ve lo rifilano gratis se pagate 15 euro). Ecco una magnifica sintesi di cosa, il sior gestore, intende per editing: L’EDITING è un metodo di presentazione che aiuta a fare una buona impressione all’editore che dovrà leggere il vostro manoscritto” (ecco, sì, affidiamoci a loro, e la bella figura sarà assicurata).

Oltretutto nel corso si parlerà anche di scrittura passiva e io sarei tanto curioso di sapere cos’è.

Maurizio Cosimo Ortuso & Innede: A Pirla before Swine

*Per i nostri lettori italiani: Lo stesso argomento è benissimamente trattato qui o qui, sul blog Stranoforte.

*******

Having discovered the so-called writer, Maurizio Cosimo Ortuso, and his so-called publishing company and “literary agency,” Innede (an enterprise that puts the “vanity” in “vanity publishing”),  Inglisc: Mèd Een Eetaly can almost retire. It’s difficult to believe we’ll ever find another example of such utter linguistic incompetence combined with such scorching self-importance. (Though that doesn’t mean we won’t keep trying.)

In fact, Mèd Een Eetaly held off for a while before publishing this report because we were nearly convinced that Innede was an elaborate satire of Italian megalomania and distaste for actual substance and quality. It isn’t.

So far, apparently, no writer in Hollywood has succeeded in pitching a sitcom based on the life of a translator. But that’s OK. In the meantime, we have Signor Ortuso (unless it’s “Ottuso” and the “r” is a typo). If you’re a translator, there are hours of free entertainment to be had on his elaborate website, in which no more than three words are ever strung together without an error.

In every language! Including his own, which is allegedly Italian. But Sig. Ortuso is plurilingual. In fact, according to his Facebook profile (https://www.facebook.com/maurizio.ortuso), he speaks SEVEN languages. Come on; you know that’s impressive. His languages are: “English, Svenska, Spanish, Italian, French, French, and Français.”

ortuso1

But let’s get to the Innede site, which is where the real giggles lie. Really, though, we can’t even begin to do justice to this encyclopedic collection of fatuous howlers and gratuitous idiocy.  You’ll just have to go take a look yourself. Choose any page at random. It’ll be inept, Google-translated, incoherent, and self-aggrandizing to the point at which poverty of intellect meets massive incompetence.

(Don’t worry, we’ve saved a few of the best screen shots, about which more later, in case Sig. Ortuso has an attack of shame. He seems beyond shame, so we don’t think that’s likely. But just in case.)

OK, so here’s our favorite. On the “Inglisc” version of his site, in which Sig. Ortuso promises that his “staff” can translate to and from “every language in the world” (if there’s one phrase that every shyster puts on his site, that’s it), he helpfully explains that the cost of a translation is based on the number of wisecracks in the text. (If that’s the case, this post alone is going to be worth a couple thou.)

Yes, wisecracks. Why? Because in Italian, the cost of translation is based upon the number of battute or keystrokes. But it’s true; battuta can also mean a joke or wisecrack. Typically, somewhere between 1500 and 2000 keystrokes constitute a cartella or editorial page, which Sig. Ortuso calls a briefcase (another borrow translation that didn’t work out). So, to sum up: If you want to know what a translation will cost, you’ll need to figure out how many briefcases will be required to hold the number of wisecracks in your text.

Only a dolt could make this kind of error, which a “professional” who spoke “seven” languages, including English, English, and Anglais, might be expected to catch. Learn more about the “card of reading” on the “Modalità” page.

Perhaps Sig. Ortuso was too busy “adequately translat[ing] and optimis[ing] the texts both of books and of sites web in such way to favor and to consolidate her own presence in the world” to pay attention to the error. Just working on “sites web” and placing “codes ISBN” can take up a lot of your time.

Then there’s the page on which he brags about his “publishing company’s” production of ebooks. This is another one where you really need to see the whole page (which is here), but you can get the flavor of the thing from the opening lines, in which Sig. Ortuso talks about how manuscripts are evaluated: “If your work is judged of our interest, we contact you to appraise together its typologies of publication: version e-Book, version Average-Book, e/o papery version.”

At Mèd Een Eetaly, we still tend to prefer the papery version, but it’s certainly true that far too many Average-Books are being published these days. A lot of them by Innede.

This is probably as good a place as any to point out that one of Innede’s many “books” (amazingly enough, they are almost all by Sig. Ortuso’s — he’s as prolific as a retrovirus) is called, in Italian, La Meritocrazia: Quella Che Non C’è. There’s a lot of talk in Italy about how getting ahead in one’s profession is so rarely based on merit, talent, or individual ability or achievement. Rather, what tends to count are connections, insider information, and “good words” from a well-placed friend. So we might translate the title as something like Merit: The Missing Factor.

Which, when you think about it, would be a great title for Sig. Ortuso’s entire enterprise.

Let’s close with the page on which Sig. Ortuso gives advice to would-be writers. (Again, the entire page is a work of anti-art, so take a look here.)

Clearly, Sig. Ortuso has poured his heart into this, and no doubt it reflects the personal philosophy that gives him the colossal gall to pass himself off as a professional writer, translator, and publisher and ask people to give him actual money for his hack work. He says,

In whatever sector you develop him your creativeness, some people they will detest what fairies and others will love it…. Feedback can help us to improve, but you can also insert us in black hole from which we risk not to go out.

Mèd Een Eetaly will be meeting this week with some physicists (and some fairies) we know. If there’s any possibility at all of creating a black hole from which Mr. Ortuso and his insulting “literary agency,” Innede, could risk not to go out, tell it you about we will.

Meanwhile, you might wonder whether Stockholm University, whose logo Sig. Ortuso apparently copied directly from Wikipedia, knows that it is an official sponsor of Sig. Ortuso’s nonsense. Or whether the People’s University of Stockholm, where university records indicate that Sig. Ortuso taught one single 20-hour course in 2003 for beginning students in Italian, knows that he brags about having taught there “for many years.”

But Sig. Ortuso can certainly explain all that. Why not write and ask him to try? redazione@innede.net,  info@innede.net, maurizio.ortuso@innede.net.

Note to Self For Next Act of Vandalism

From the Department of “Things I Don’t Anderstand”

How much do you want to bet this work cost peanuts!


The Tiburtina Subway Station, Rome

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,614 other followers