The Gallery of Wrongness – Page 3 (Tourist Inglisc)

Jewish Quarter, Fondi ⁞ Report Card: D.A splendid example of the “tourist English” in which Italy is drowning — otherwise known as “My brother-in-law the plumber, who has been to England twice, did this ‘translation’ for free.”

Entrance to the Jewish Quarter, Fondi, Italy

Vandals have also been at work on the sign, though it’s curious why anyone would choose to deface the word “ghetto.” The point of the sign, after all (historically debatable though it is), is that the Jewish quarter wasn’t called a “ghetto.”

The Fattoria Torre a Cona ⁞ Report Card: C- What to say about the web page of this agriturismo near Florence … where “accommodation” is spelled wrong, where visitors have “a possibility to follow different types of taste,” where a tour includes “the mill corporate millstones and stone cold,” where “brushette” are offered, where “the booking is recommended,” or where they provide a Tasting Children Menu (understandably, it costs less to taste the children — they tend to be bony)? What to say, indeed, other than “Get another translator!”

Tuscany, overrun with hotels, restaurants, quaint towns, farm holiday guesthouses, and all the businesses that depend upon the smitten, “Under the Tuscan Sun” tourist, takes the visitor largely for granted. As a result, the tourist industry in Tuscany has tended not to be concerned about providing travelers with adequate English-language information. Will Italy’s economic crisis change that?

You probably wouldn’t think so, judging by the Inglisc menu of the Ristorante Il Campagnolo [Report Card: D] located “a two pass from the sea of the Versilia” (in other words, still in Tuscany, but closer to the coast).

If you visit, be sure to try the rucola with nuisance or the porky mushrooms, though non-vegetarians may prefer a simple plate of Catalans. Anyone wishing to recreate the miracle of Shadrach, Meschach, Abednego and the Fiery Furnace, meanwhile, can enjoy a pizza while seated in the firewood oven. Don’t believe it when you hear that anyone can travel in Italy without knowing any Italian. A firm command of Italish is absolutely necessary!

The Flower to the Buttonhole of the Baldi Brothers: For the lovers of the meat.

Another interesting note: The Il Campagnolo restaurant is associated in some inchoate way with the publisher, G. L. Lucca Editrice and with the Accademia del Turismo (Academy of Tourism). Okay, so the Accademia isn’t really a university or a training institution (though its site is nonetheless chock-full of equally entertaining examples of Italish), but is G. L. Lucca Editrice a real publisher?

Look for it on the Italic Street, only two pass from the sea.

Perhaps so, but one thing it doesn’t publish is silly mistakes. Nope, according to its site, G. L. Lucca is in no way responsible for errors or omissions on its pages.

Which is only fair. The Accademia del Turismo’s errors and omissions are entirely the fault of someone cavalier enough about language to think a free machine translation could produce a text in English. As Il Campagnolo says: “So much to quote some of it!”